I have come a long way in life. I have seen the depths of hell with all its cruelty, and I have tasted the blessings of heaven in their fullness. The women in my life are a part of that blessing. This March, I sat in deep reflection, wondering what my life would be without these women — without their love, their care, their warmth. And in that moment of contemplation, I realized that without them, my life would be stripped of warmth and essence, devoid of vibrance, washed out and insipid. Without them, my life would be like a canvas without paint.
Oh, women — what great blessings they are! I will attempt, in both thought and words, to express the gifts they have brought into my life. I will share how I have been covered by their indefatigable love and warmth — a love that fights and wins, warmth that melts even the harshest winter cold. From mothers to sisters, cousins to friends and lovers, their presence has been a fortress, a light.
A man's life, if summarized, is a passive war — a war not just with the world but, more importantly, with himself. In today's world, men are often overlooked, dismissed as though they do not need affection, as if they do not desire love. Even men themselves have come to accept this belief, reinforcing the very chains that bind them. What must be emphasized is that the solution to many of these burdens lies within the very essence of femininity. Women hold the power to birth, to heal, to restore, to weave sense from chaos. They take the unseen and make it real, the broken and make it whole. At a molecular level, they revitalize the weary soul of a man.
From a young age, I often asked a question that lingered in my mind: Can anything good come from a woman? Each time, my mother would smile and say, "Yes, you came from me." My question was not meant to challenge or provoke — it stemmed from deep contemplation.
Before I turned eleven, I experienced what remains one of the most distressing moments of my life. At that age, I fully grasped a truth that had once been buried in childhood obedience: when I was five and eight, I was sexually abused by the nanny who cared for my sister and me. The actions at that time felt like nothing more than instructions — commands I was too young to question. At eleven, during sex education classes at boarding school, it became clear to me that the "instructions" from the past were not just instructions but sinister tactics to exploit the innocence of a young child.
I spent the four weeks of winter break trapped in an endless loop of questions, searching for answers that never came, wondering why I had been the one chosen to endure such cruelty. But at twelve, that fragile hope shattered. The head girl of my school made me her target, tormenting me in ways I still struggle to forget. And then, in an act so cruel it remains seared into my memory, she pressed a scalding pot of boiling beans against my head.
At fourteen, my agricultural teacher made a statement that haunted me: "Kelechi, you won't succeed — not even as a carpenter." At sixteen, a woman — my school's vice principal — did everything in her power to hinder me getting into university.
At seventeen, burdened by these experiences, I found myself questioning again: Can anything good come from a woman? This recurring doubt led me to a somber conclusion — that getting married would be the greatest scam of my life.
At eighteen, life was about to take an unexpected turn. I had just gotten into Covenant University, and to my surprise, I caught the attention of some kind and beautiful ladies in my department. One of my classmates, Shelah, who remains my friend to this day, once said, "Kelechi, life is not hard. Smile, Jesus loves you." Without hesitation, I replied, "Life is hard, and Jesus loves me."
It was then that I sought God's help through a counselor. One thing he emphasized was the power of forgiveness — to let go of the past and recognize the goodness in those around me, especially in women. In His sovereignty, God surrounded me with some of the most loving women I had ever met — my classmates, no different from me, yet full of grace and kindness.
In no time, I got a girlfriend. I had been expecting the nefarious work — but she didn't. Instead, she was kind and loving. Being in a relationship with her did more for my salvation than any discussion with my counselor or any book I had ever read.
I grew closer to two female cousins and an aunt who showered me with undeniable love. They showed me care I couldn't even show myself. At that moment, the light was at my doorstep, and I had no option but to welcome it in. And I did.
I had gone through depression when life knocked me down. In those moments, these women were there to hold me up. When I had no money, they sent support on a monthly basis. When I was about to fall prey to the deception of a seductive woman, they pointed out the devil in the details and saved me. When my devotion waned, they prayed to God on my behalf. When my mind was sick, they cured my malady.
When nothing made sense, their love made sense. When my heart grew cold, they provided warmth. When my stomach hungered, they nourished me.
I love you all so much. May God grant you men who will stand and defend you against every dart that life throws your way. I will stand with you on the day of battle, swords drawn, arrows nocked.
Dedication: Joy, Obie (Mothers), Wandoo, Ngover, Nwanneka (Sisters), Friends (Temi, Daby, Shelah, Chelsea, Nazom) — I love you all!
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