What Is Love?

"I love you"... what does that even mean? Is it an expression of our current feeling, or a pledge to responsibility, devotion, and honor? Do we throw these words around as if they mean nothing, as though there will be no consequences for perjury? Do we ever truly understand what love is? Can we fully express the depth or intensity of the word "love"? Do we really have what it takes to love?

Do we really think love is just beautiful because of spikes in hormones and imaginary butterflies in the belly, which in reality is just a release of oxytocin into the bloodstream that fades before sunset? Is love beautiful because of sex, sexual satisfaction, and our hunger to feed the hedonistic culture that has proliferated in our society, making shame of celibacy and sexual purity? Is love manipulative, causing us to lose our sense of logic and clear thought, leading to nonsensical behavior and standards? Are we less intelligent, or more foolish, in love? Do our actions in love align with cogent thought?

When in love, are we driven to give pleasure, whatever that means, or to receive it? Is love selfless, selfless unto death, or are the words "till death do us part" merely platitudes to pacify a lover and keep the wedding ceremony going?

Let's unpack "till death do us part" for a moment. Death of what exactly? Death of love, or death of the lover? Can love transcend the living world? Can we only love those who are alive? Is death a reason or an excuse to stop loving? Maybe it is the death of love. I don’t know.

Regardless of the definition of love, why is the epitome of love crumbling in our generation-marriage? Marriage is at least one institution that gives us the rare opportunity to show what love truly is. Two people, driven by love, stand at the altar before God and man to make a public pledge that their love for each other will never die, that it will endure in sickness and health, in pain and sorrow, in happiness and other cliché circumstances people recite so as not to upset the wedding guests.

After the ceremony, after the drinks, after the guests have found their way home and the music fades, after the wedding ends and the marriage begins the two (the couple), hopefully, three (with love) are left alone, their promises and vows are tested by life only to fail under the least pressure. Their promises and vows are tested by life, only to fail under the slightest pressure. Love turns to hate, the sun loses her light, ecstasy turns to pain, day becomes night, flowers wither, happiness turns to sadness, the priest becomes judge, the guests become jurors, husband and wife become plaintiff and defendant. Family is no longer in-laws but outlaws. Children are no longer blessings from God but property for ownership. What a shame!! The ideal of love has failed.

Yet my search for ideal love continues, one that is not fazed by life's troubles but embraces them. I searched long, only to find it on the cross. Yes, the old rugged, not-particularly-charming cross, a symbol of shame and reproach, bore love. The cross defines love. How can the most beautiful thing be found on the cross? How can love be seen in such a place? It is the love that feared no death, no pain, no troubles of life.

The more I looked at the cross, I saw a man-a perfect man. What is a perfect man doing on a cross? This paradox led me to more questions than answers. How can love hang a man on a cross? Not just any man, but a perfect, upright, sinless man. And then I realized something even more disturbing: this man is not only perfect, he is God. How can love nail God to a cross? I searched further and found that he was without sin yet bore the sin of all mankind, that through him, humanity is saved and freed from the curse of sin.

God leaves his glory above, the Creator becomes creature, the divine becomes despised, hung on a tree that he himself, from spoken words, fleshed into being. Christ, the master of the universe, was crucified. This is love, I exclaimed! That a man is willing to die for his lover, so that through his death, his bride will live and be freed from the wages of sin.

How then can we love as Christ did? It is impossible for man to love like Christ. This is love. Christ is love. I found my answer in Christ but remained perturbed that I will not see that kind of love in our society. I left my thoughts sad but hopeful, uttering these words: to love is to die, to die willingly.